Making the Unconscious Conscious Unlocks Profound Revelation & Expansion
“Unfortunately there can be no doubt that man is, on the whole, less good than he imagines himself or wants to be. Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. If an inferiority is conscious, one always has a chance to correct it. Furthermore, it is constantly in contact with other interests, so that it is continually subjected to modifications. But if it is repressed and isolated from consciousness, it never gets corrected.”
—Carl Jung
** Before we delve in together, I want to gently put out the little reminder that manure in the soil makes the most bountiful gardens.
We are deeply afraid of our own guilt, insecurity, anxiousness, jealousy, sadness, anger, and being fallible in general. Why do we protect, hide and try to lock these things away beneath a veneer of smiles, defenses, bolstering, bypassing, denial and distractions? Which is worse; seeing these flaws within ourselves, or others seeing them in us? (I’ll answer the last question - they are both equally terrible in different ways :)
There is a distinct slippery and unsettling quality when we encounter the unpleasant and guarded inner experiences. Instinctively we tend to avoid, suppress or distract ourselves due to the extreme discomfort and vulnerability these emotions evoke. And yet, when we can gather the strength, the tools, and the compassion to be with these qualities, that is where we can unlock profound revelations and step into the greatest expansion of our lives.
Pain and discomfort are our teacher and friend (the lesson that life continues to dole out). That is what the first verse of the portion on practice in Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras teaches us. Intellectually, most of us can see the value of discomfort as a teacher. In practice however, that is when things can get very, very, very spicy. Try this, next time you are feeling a sense of righteousness(I’d start first with people you have established mutual trust and respect), stop and ask yourself what am I trying to protect? What is this righteous feeling really about? 99.7% of the time you will discover that the thing you are defending is likely something that is holding you back. That has been my personal experience anyway. I can already hear many of you doubting my made up statistic, and rightly so :). Additionally, this sentiment can easily be used for manipulation (thank you to The Vow on HBO for showing this) and is not meant to make us question our intuition or always be “wrong”. It is much more of a compassionate internal inquiry.
Having been on this journey of embracing emotional and psychological pain for many years, I’ve noticed that it never gets less uncomfortable or easier. The only improvement I can see is that the window of denial and avoidance of the discomfort is getting smaller. Every time I encounter pain there is a shock, and it seems with every layer I uncover, the next layer has even more alarms, bells and whistles telling me to turn around, look away, and seek comfort in familiarity. However, experience has taught me that the painful lesson inevitably leads to insight, a nurturing humility, growth, and a stronger sense of inner calm and stability.
There are dangers that lurk in the explorations of pain, and in the expectation that the pain will lead to peace. We can easily fall into a trap of believing we can think ourselves out of the pain thus prolonging it. There are studies that show that when we actively suppress thoughts they will return with greater force. The tactic of trying to mental jujitsu our way out of uncomfortable emotions is more likely to lead to bypassing or suppressing whatever is coming up. For many years I struggled with the literature out there with advice of “let it go” and stop “choosing pain”. Emotions like anger are talked about like they are unacceptable. But the truth is that anger is an emotion that comes with being human, therefore we are going to experience it. So if thoughts aren’t going to get us out of it, then what will? In my experience, I’ve found it helpful to take some time to explore the feeling without trying to change it (this also works with jealousy, embarrassment, sadness, anxiousness, shame, and all of the other creepy crawly emotions). Then I begin a process of inquiry “what am I mad/sad/nervous about?”, “is there a fear underneath this?” I write about it, or talk to a friend, or I name the fears aloud in privacy. The most healing thing for me is holding myself in compassion while admitting the fear that is hiding underneath the pain and not trying to convince myself that it has to change or go away.
It feels like going against the grain a little by not trying to change or transform the discomfort. Just last month I was on a walk with friends talking about how I no longer wanted to feel angry, and I just wanted to forgive the person for the emotional pain I’m experiencing and be at peace with it. Wisely my friends reminded me that we don’t get to decide when the pain/anger is over, but they promised it would change someday. Just hearing their reminder took the sharp edge and nagging feeling away. The sentiment that pain + resistance = suffering, really is true isn’t it?
It can feel destabilizing, unfamiliar and unsafe when we are doing the work of incorporating what has been skulking in the shadows of our unconscious. The monster that we can’t see is always scarier than the one we can. Each of us have our own path and get to decide how deep we want to dive in this lifetime. Regardless of our individual goals in the expansion consciousness, developing a relationship of respect towards our discomfort will reduce our suffering. But, if you feel the pull and the pulse of the treasure of the Self inside you and you desire freedom, then the things that feel contemptible within us must be explored (with compassion compassion compassion). A daily meditation practice, a therapist, an experienced mentor/teacher, trusted friends, whatever you can gather around you to support you on this journey is paramount.
It really is strange how with the support of Yoga and the deeper we go, with every flaw and monster that is revealed, we actually become less insecure and more and more held in deep contentment.
It’s an honor to be on this journey with you.
With Love,
Nicole
Sage Advice from TV Shows:
From Harrison Ford’s character on the show “shrinking” on apple tv (such a good show btw) in regards to dealing with grief - "Pick a piece of music. Something sad as hell. Just feel your feelings," "Takes about 15 minutes, then get on with your day."
The strategy, as portrayed in Shrinking, basically entails setting aside 15 minutes of the day to truly immerse oneself in sadness — or anxiety, grief, or worry as needed. It means actively sitting with intense feelings that may otherwise come and go throughout the day and without warning.
From the movie Stutz on Netflix (definitely worth watching):
Stutz says that if you're lost, depressed or feeling stuck, it's important to work on your Life Force first — take care of your body, take care of your people, take care of yourself
Also from Stutz: “We like to think we react to the world as it is, when really we react to a world that exists in our own minds. This inner world is so powerful, it overwhelms our ability to see reality. John Milton, in Paradise Lost, expressed it this way: “The mind is its own place, and in itself / Can make a Heav’n of Hell, a Hell of Heav’n.”