Are We Repressing Or Are We Practicing Non-Attachment?
On 12/4.2021 there was an in class discussion regarding non-attachment. The book I used to inspire this discussion was my tattered copy of Inside The Yoga Sutra’s - A Comprehensive Sourcebook For The Study And Practice Of Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras, By Reverend Jaganath Carrera.
Reverand Jaganath Carrera explains: “Nonattachment, vairagya, literally means “without color”. It is the ability to keep the distortions of selfish motives and intents out of every relationship, action, and process of learning.”
Turning the practice of non attachment into a way to bypass our discomfort can be a dangerous pitfall. Instead of truly being nonattached we end up repressing our desires and difficult emotions instead of honoring them and learning from them. Some common ways that this repression can manifest is by dismissing a concern and telling ourselves “It’s fine”, agreeing to something that doesn’t resonate, or telling ourselves we don’t care or it doesn’t matter (when the way our hearts are beating in our chests, or the dread sits in our stomach, suggest otherwise). It’s essential that we understand that non attachment is a continuous practice that asks us to look at ourselves with compassion and curiosity. It is a part of the human experience to find ourselves attached to people, places, things, outcomes, beliefs, and ideas. The principle of non -attachment is not asking us to be cold or unfeeling, instead it asks us to be aware of the motivations that are causing the tendencies to painfully cling to, or push things/people/events/ideas away.
Carrera suggests a way to reeducate the mind can be through “The redirection of the will when making choices; not by repression of desires but by directing the attention away from selfish actions and towards those that are selfless.”
So how can you tell when you are genuinely practicing non attachment versus repressing desires and feelings?
The answers that came from students in class were as always brilliant and insightful.
If you are truly experiencing non-attachment then there will be no emotional work involved. There is an inherent ease. If there are complicated emotions involved and you have to tell yourself that you are unattached then you are likely repressing.
Self talk that is effective is similar to how we would lovingly redirect a child or a puppy. When a child is very upset - instead of telling them not to be upset, or trying to explain what is happening intellectually; it can be easier to simply shift their attention to something else. “Oh look! There is a butterfly! Here, I have a sticky ball you can play with.” The child doesn’t repress their sadness or anger, instead their attention just shifts. We can do the same for ourselves. My personal favorite way to shift my attention is to look at nature; the leaves or grass moving in the wind, birds circling in the sky, and the bushy tails of squirrels in the neighborhood. Another way I shift attention is by asking myself what constructive action can I take at this moment? To stay in line with Carrera’s suggestion of directing the will towards selfless as opposed to selfish it could be as simple as asking myself what action can I take that will benefit others right now? Honestly, sometimes it is more beneficial to everyone around me that I take a nap, or go for a walk ;)
Using shame or negative self talk to redirect can create even more strife and suffering. — I love this insight so much. I’m not sure why or how it became a common practice to punish ourselves when we make mistakes. The process of learning requires that we mess up. Would we shame a toddler for falling when trying to walk? Or yell at a first grader for not understanding subtraction? What would it feel like to be that loving parent to ourselves? “Honey, you feel terrible already. You made a mistake. All you can do now is own it and learn from it.”
Carrera states “ Selfish desires are the typical motivating forces of the mind, pulling it towards hoped for pleasure or away from the dread of pain. However, for those interested in Self- realization, selfish desires are not the appropriate mode of functioning, since they are based on relieving the discomfort of craving and not on what is physically, mentally, socially, or spiritually beneficial. Seekers are called on to cultivate a different foundation for their actions: non-attachment.
There is much more to discuss around this subject. If you feel so inclined, I’d love to hear more insights from you regarding how to tell if you are repressing versus practicing non-attachment and how we can re-direct our will towards selfless choices in the comments.
You Are Nature,
Love,
Nicole