Non-Attachment Brings Fearlessness

Before diving into the fearlessness that non-attachment can bring, it's helpful to have a working definition of non-attachment. The definition that resonates most for me is from Reverend Jaganath Carrera. In his definition, non-attachment is characterized by “the ability to keep the distortions of selfish motives and intents out of every relationship, action, and process of learning.”

Recently my son had a wonderful assignment in his 8th grade English class. He had to identify for a few people in his life; what they wanted for themselves and what he wanted for them. What I loved about this exercise is that it encourages the student to try to understand what the others persons wishes are (which requires real listening skills), and separate that from their own desires for the person (this also inspires the student to look out for the individuals best interest vs their own). This would be a great exercise to practice in any relationship we are in to help discourage our selfish motives from sneaking in.

Asking questions of ourselves is a great way to discover is we are coming from a place of selfish motives and therefore attachment:

What am I trying to get for myself out of this relationship?

What motives are behind my actions?

Am I listening to understand, or am I listening to validate that I am right?

This brings me to one of the questions we discussed in class: How can practicing non-attachment create fearlessness in our lives?

Kathryn Wilder put it perfectly with her simple but powerful comment stating; When you have nothing to lose, then you have nothing to fear. I felt lighter just hearing her say that.

When we are mired in the strong grip of attachment we are afraid; afraid of losing what we have, afraid of something happening the way we don’t want it to, afraid of different opinions, and afraid of losing status (this is the short list of fears obviously). All of these fears compound to create an underlying anxiousness that makes it difficult to enjoy or appreciate what we have now. Instead of feeling the glory of a moment of warmth from the winter sun on our skin, we find ourselves habitually lost in a whirl of thoughts. The mind practices mental gymnastics in attempts to soothe this baseline of worrying. Naturally the fewer things/people/ideas/beliefs that we cling to the less fearful we will be of losing them. 

Carrera states, “Fear is founded on concern over potential loss. We are anxious over losing that which we perceive brings us happiness or security. These fears are based on attachments and the resulting anxiety over not attaining what we desire or losing what we have gained. As attachments decrease in number and intensity, fear naturally begins to evaporate. Those who are free from selfish attachments know freedom from fear.”

The pandemic we find ourselves in has offered endless opportunities to uncover attachments, and practice a fearlessness (albeit grudgingly). We recognize that nothing is guaranteed; health, safety, plans, travel; and yet we still have to live our lives.

As always there is so much more to explore around this subject. I’d love to continue the conversation in the comments about how practicing non-attachment brings fearlessness. Do you have any examples in your own life where you practiced non-attachment and experienced less fear and more freedom as a result?

You Are Nature.

Love,

Nicole